So Seamus was driving home gently weaving down the road when he was pulled over. The policeman said 'Where are you comin from Seamus"? "Well the pub of coursh" slurred Seamus. "Had a few did ya?" said the cop, "Oh I did Ok" said Seamus. "You know your wife fell out 2 blocks back?" "Oh thank God" exclaimed Seamus " I thought for a minute there I'd gone deaf!"

A car full of Irish nuns are sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them

"Hey, show us yer teats, ya bloody penguins." shouts one of the drunks.
Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are, so show them your cross."
Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off."
She then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior quite innocently, and asks,
"Did that sound cross enough?"

Lol, good one!

So Father Donnegal is in the church and sees Seamus come none too staedily down the aisle and into confessional. Thats odd he thinks but he goes in and sits and waits for Seamus to start. After a minute he politely coughs to let Seamus know hes there. When there is no reply he knocks gently on the wall. Seamus replies "Don't bother bangin' on the wall, theres no paper in this one either!"

The world wide meeting for our denomination was held last week.
When asked what he liked best about this year's meeting, one minister said the whiskey and cigars while sitting around the picnic tables at night.