The Darwin awards are out!!
-
Bob259
- Uber Master Poster
- Posts: 4337
- Joined: Sat Jul 15, 2006 7:16 pm
- Location: Phoenix, AZ
The Darwin awards are out!!
The Darwin Awards are out
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed,
honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious winner:
1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a
hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that
can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.
This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and
after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The
company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He
tried the machine and he also lost a finger.. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.
Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabweanbus driver found that
the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo
had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus
stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the
passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds
received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad
told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a
moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and
asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and
asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man
took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The
total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you
and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just
throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he
lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block
bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The
liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on
videotape...
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her
purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give
them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended
the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was
then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he
replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9.. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King
in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk
turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food
order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle
street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for.. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by
mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the
best laugh he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and
family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative
or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain
lost.
*** Remember.... They walk among us, they can reproduce.. and the scariest part..... they vote !
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed,
honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious winner:
1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a
hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that
can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.
This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and
after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The
company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He
tried the machine and he also lost a finger.. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.
Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabweanbus driver found that
the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo
had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus
stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the
passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds
received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad
told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a
moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and
asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and
asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man
took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The
total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you
and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just
throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he
lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block
bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The
liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on
videotape...
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her
purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give
them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended
the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was
then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he
replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9.. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King
in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk
turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food
order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle
street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for.. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by
mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the
best laugh he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and
family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative
or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain
lost.
*** Remember.... They walk among us, they can reproduce.. and the scariest part..... they vote !
F Troop - Southwest Outpost
Proud Member of the Ram Slammers US Division (Two Bob)
Proud Member of the Ram Slammers US Division (Two Bob)